Life Lessons from "My Friend"
Today I have something kind of heavy on my heart, and it’s
such an important topic that I really wanted to share my experience to
hopefully, somehow, help someone else who may be reading this. So, three days
ago, I woke up to a text, not a phone call, but just a text, from my neighbor,
Mr., who I’m going to refer to as Mr. It said he was going to California and
would be back in a couple weeks, which would be super cool if it wasn’t for
what I read next. He left me instructions on how much to feed his pet guinea pig
and told me to “check” on his girlfriend who I'll refer to as "My Friend". My Friend is
70 years of age and just got out of the hospital for dementia-related issues.
At first, I wasn’t too bothered since I was going to call him and make sure he
had other people to help check on her. However, when I called he didn’t answer,
and when I looked for his car, it was gone and so was he! I was pretty annoyed
and a little confused at this point, but I thought I could handle it.Within about 30 minutes of me being awake, "My Friend" was
knocking on my window with no shoes on and telling me she was confused about
why "Mr." wasn’t back yet. When I tried to tell her, she kept insisting that he
had already gone to California and was supposed to be back by now. After going
back and forth trying to explain the situation to her, I realized she was a lot
worse off since she had initially gone to the hospital. I immediately felt
overwhelmed and not sure if I would be able to handle the dilemma. She had recently
been to a place where they could could give her 24/7 care, and "Mr." had informed
me on how much he had to fight to bring her home— he told me her kids were
trying to “put her away” and insisted that he wasn’t going to let that happen.
I was glad he had brought her home, but now I’m wondering why in the world he brought
her home and took off to California.
So, I walked her back into her apartment and wrote my phone
number on a big sheet of paper and told her I had to go see my parents and to
call me if she needed me. About an hour later, I was enjoying spending time
with my mom and dad in the local hardware store, and she called me and said she
needed me to come but couldn't or wouldn't say why. I apologized to my parents,
who are the same age as her, and who I don’t get to see every day, and told
them I needed to go check on "My Friend".
When I walked into her apartment, she was just sitting there
looking really upset and said she didn’t feel right and didn’t know what to do.
She told me she didn’t have any clean clothes. I could see that her hair looked
as if it had not been washed in quite a while. I ran home and got her some of
my clothes and went back over and asked if she would like to take a shower— when
she said, “Yes!”— I could tell my offer seemed to perk her up a little. I went
into the bathroom with her but quickly realized she was unsteady, and she
couldn’t get the water temperature just right for her liking. I told her not to
worry and that I would help her. I helped her into the shower and washed her
hair and put my super soft PJ’s on her. She was so grateful and said she felt
like a human being again. She smiled at me which made my heart melt. Afterwards,
we went to the grocery store and getting out of her apartment and into the sunshine
and nice weather made her appear happier than I’d seen her in a while. We
grabbed plenty of food and other essentials I knew she needed.
When I left her that night, she kept thanking me and telling
me she loved me. Her simple gesture of gratitude made me feel so good just to
have been able to help her out and make her day.
When I got home, I realized there was no way I could be there for her as much as she required and needed so I called "Mr." and told him he was going to have to come home. I had never been around anyone with dementia for a long period of time, and after being with her that day I had a whole new respect for caregivers and for their loved ones, and even more so, a lot of compassion for those suffering with dementia. I want to end this post by saying, “Life is precious … I’m going to hug my parents tighter and spend more time with them while I’m lucky enough to do so!
Thank you, "My Friend" … I’ll never forget
you or what this experience has taught me. I love you, too! 💕💗💙💜
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